Dating

So ive been single for almost 5 years and it rlly sucks, i had a chance for happiness and i threw it away for meaningless sex because i was tired of being a virgin and it haunts me everyday.. i dont really know what im trying to say with this post other than im lonely, i long to have the connection with a woman to be able to trust her completely and be my self or even just a girl i enjoy talking to everyday and who enjoys talking to me. There have been a couple of girls that ive had this with but they all turned on me with rejection and betrayal.

Dating

So ive been single for almost 5 years and it rlly sucks, i had a chance for happiness and i threw it away for meaningless sex because i was tired of being a virgin and it haunts me everyday.. i dont really know what im trying to say with this post other than im lonely, i long to have the connection with a woman to be able to trust her completely and be my self or even just a girl i enjoy talking to everyday and who enjoys talking to me. There have been a couple of girls that ive had this with but they all turned on me with rejection and betrayal.

Explanations.

So i realized that my post from a few minutes ago doesn’t make much sense. I shall try to explain it.

     That asshole as i refer to him is my former best friend of twelve years who a little less than a year ago got back from army basic training (he was kicked out for fighting, or so he says) so he get back everything is fine and dandy, shoot to a few days before new years we are hanging out and he is drunk and getting really aggressive because there are girls there so i call him on his shit but he keeps going eventually the girls leave and i tell him he needs to quit acting so aggressive because hes acting like his dad used to, and bam he punches me and knocks out my four front teeth. So hospital all night until about noon the next day(it happened around 130am) pain pills and stitches in my gums for about a month. Six months later oral surgeon tells me i have to wait another six months for more bone growth plus six months after the surgery for the actual tooth implants to go in. So basically that asshole ruined the next 2 years of my life because i told him to calm down. Fucking. Asshole.  And i think you would be smart enough to figure out the rest of my posts from context. For some time reference the post entitled First post was made 20 days after the previously stated incident.

Why

Why do i still think about that asshole everyday? I don’t know but i do at least 5 or 6 times a day i think about him. I think about going to talk to him, seeing what hes been up to, if the cunt broke his hand like he should have. I also think about beating the living piss out of him until the fucker can’t breathe. Its a Rollercoaster everyday.. sometimes i think the depression is gone but then it comes back.. i could never hurt myself though it always seems idiotic and selfish to the point that even thinking about it makes me feel worse. My friends are very helpful, we recently started snorkeling which is awesome and is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. The only problem is finding places to do it. Then there is the hike on the appalachin that i have to physically mentally and financially prepare for. I think about that everyday more than i do anything else. I’m scared to go on this 6 month hike.. i don’t know if ill he able to make it physically but at the same time i know that if i can make it mentally through the 6 months the physical part won’t bother me. I am a mind over matter type of person i won’t quit while i still believe i can do it. So i don’t know where this post went but i feel better now that it is written.