Realizing you need help and accepting that you cant do it on your own is one of the hardest things to do as a man. Its emasculating and embaressing its hard to acfept and in my case has only worsened the situation im more depressed than i was before. Another thing while its in my head the ability to lose a friend and hate them with a passion but still look at the good times you had with them fondly is an unusal thing. Kids. I want to have kids at least 2 but no more than four so either ill stop at 2 or ill stop at 4. I think about how i would raise them all the time at least once or twice a day as in if this happened this is what i would tell them to try and help them through their chilhood and teen years. Idk this is just random stuff that i wrote down throughout the day

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